Diana Journy: Surviving and Thriving After Infidelity

Donna Woolam: 00:00:01

Welcome to the ReInvent Your World broadcast. My name is Donna Woolam and I'm your host. My goal is for every woman to know that God loves you and he's for you. And no matter where you are today, you can start right now and create an incredible new life. Let's get started into the show. Okay. Hello everyone. I have the distinct honor today to have Diana Journy in the broadcast room with me. And you are going to be so excited when you hear her story and the life of transformation that she and her husband have experienced. Diana is a mom of three great children. Let me make sure I get all my notes. Right? Three great children and seven grandchildren and married to her love of her life, Tim and they live in the Tampa Bay Florida area Di ana thank you so much for being with us today.

Diana Journy: 00:00:58

Thank you, Donna. For even inviting me, it's a privilege to be here

Donna Woolam: 00:01:02

It is such an exciting thing for me to be able to witness to the stories of what God does for people. And I recently talked about that our life has all kinds of places where God reinvents and recreates. If we just look at nature, we see the cycles of the natural seasons spring, summer, winter, fall. And we can have some sort of planned recreation if we were planting flowers or vegetables or that kind of things where we take up the soil and put in something new. But there are also those times when I equate them to like a forest fire or a flood where devastation seeming devastation can come. And when we look around us, it looks like our life has been burned to the ground and we can become confused about what to do next. And whenever I was listening to your story, I thought about how life comes after those devastating areas, where there's so much more fertile ground around where life comes. And so. Diana, I would just love it. If you would just take a few minutes and tell us whatever's on your heart to share with us today about your story and about how you've seen new life come into place. You didn't think life could be.

Diana Journy: 00:02:19

Yeah, it was. My husband, after 30 years of marriage told me that he was in an affair. My life at that moment just fell into these pieces that I didn't know could ever be put back together. The pain and the devastation of not knowing the uncertainty was just beyond any comprehension I could have. And It was a mighty work that it took for us to put our lives back together. When he told me, he told me that he loved the other woman. And just to hear those words, just you, you just don't know, will he ever loved me again? And it has been a journey for us. Matter of fact, we wrote our story and we shared it together. Because I actually heard from God to write our story and then he wanted to hear both sides because it was so hard for me to understand what Tim was going through. I had an inkling because God has blessed me with a lot of wisdom, but I couldn't comprehend that he could do this. So we wrote our story with my side, then his side. And it really, to me even helped me, but I've had a lot of people tell me since reading it. Oh my gosh. I didn't have a clue what my wife was going through. I didn't have a clue what my husband was experiencing and that's been just a big part of our journey. And that was only released last October. It went well, took off. It took awhile. So but you know, it's just, when you hear that news, when you have something so devastating, so painful, so unexpected happen, you just don't, you can't see the future and you can't see hope. So that's what we wanted to do with our book. That's what we wanted to do with our website, The Journey Through and, even the programs that we have for marriage and married couples who are going through infidelity, is there is hope. And I want people to know that,

Donna Woolam: 00:04:38

Oh, that is so powerful. And I, I think that, you know, on some level married couples can have troubles all along the way and they just really muddle through those. But then for that kind of news to come to you, I'm wondering. Well, had there been any indications or was it an absolute out of the blue shock to you?

Diana Journy: 00:05:04

There had been actually on our 30th wedding anniversary. We had had this trip of a lifetime. We went to Australia and then we went to two islands in Fiji and it was wonderful trip. And my husband at the time was doing a lot of traveling international traveling. So when we got home, he left me a note. He says, thank you for the last 30 years. I, so look forward to the next 30 years. That was in August. In January, he was in a full fledge affair.

Donna Woolam: 00:05:37

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:05:38

So it tells you how quickly things can come about and. You know, it was a time when he was traveling. He had a high stress job. There was just a lot of probably factors that, that opened that door to make him more vulnerable. And we really had no idea on vulnerability at that time.

Donna Woolam: 00:06:01

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:06:02

You know, and now we do, now we know vulnerability, we know boundaries, we know what you need to do to protect yourselves and your marriage. But at that time we didn't.

Donna Woolam: 00:06:13

Wow. Wow. So as you were going through this, I know that there were a lot of people around you. You had friends and family, probably your church family, all kinds of people around you. I'm curious what you attempted to protect yourself from the opinions of others, because we know that there are well meaning friends, well meaning family that would tell you, well, you just need get rid of him and him saying, you need to go ahead and leave her. How did you bring yourselves together? To create a place of healing for your marriage?

Diana Journy: 00:06:50

Well the first thing we did at my request and you know, I have to say that I did go into a very fix-it mode right away. I was going to fix Tim and I was going to fix the marriage. Just the pretty controlling thing to do, and not always the most healthiest, but that's where I was. So we immediately saw a pastor that I had been seeing before. That each actually, Tim and I had seen once before, a few weeks before he told me, and we saw him right away. We saw a counselor right away. And I will say that that was one thing. And I didn't know or I hadn't realized is that you have to find a counselor or coach that you relate to?

Donna Woolam: 00:07:35

Oh yeah.

Diana Journy: 00:07:36

I kind of maybe old school that you go to one counselor and you don't have to go anywhere else. And there's some level of embarrassment and having to tell a story that your husband had an affair. It makes you feel like you're not enough. He had to go outside the marriage. I mean, just all of those feelings come into play. And so it's embarrassing that I didn't want to have to go to counselor after counselor to like bounce. I want our coach after coach until found someone who I really related to and continue to tell my story. So I went to a counselor. She probably wasn't the best, but we stayed with her for a little bit. And I told two only two friends. I didn't tell any family members. I didn't tell our children. I, I really this is where I'm so blessed that God has given me wisdom, even though I don't always like the wisdom that I hear from him. It's like but it was, I knew that if I told my children, then I was not in a good place. I was angry. I was in pain. I was hurting and I would have come across like that to them. And I believe they would have followed my lead.

Donna Woolam: 00:08:50

Oh yeah.

Diana Journy: 00:08:51

And I didn't want them to judge their father. So I didn't tell them. I told two friends, only two friends that were strong Christians. Other than that, I did withdraw from most other friends. From my family because I couldn't be around them because I couldn't trust myself that I wouldn't blurt it out. Yeah. In a moment of anger or pain or something, it would just come out. So I, I really did withdraw. My two friends that were Christians, I knew that they would pray for me. They often made suggestions. I will say that at that point, I also kind of withdrew from God. I couldn't read the Bible. Yeah, I couldn't attend the Bible studies I had been attending. But I knew there, they were praying for me. So, you know, and it's funny because I did write in a journal every single night, at least once during the day, but at night in particular. And I always, always left a prayer for God in my journal. Take this away, Lord, please guide me. Tell me what to do. All of that stuff. So I was saying the right stuff in my journal, but I really felt the minute I put the pen down, I took back control. Okay. I can do this myself kind of thing. Okay. So I tried to give it away, but I didn't give it away. My biggest change was after Tim had told me of his affair that's the day I did truly surrender. And, you know, we hear about surrendering all the time. I truly understand surrendering now because it was a moment. I found emails again from the the other woman.

Donna Woolam: 00:10:45

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:10:46

I remember reading them over and over and within seconds. I would fell to my news and I had the emails up in the air and I said, Lord, take this from me. I can't do this anymore. And you know, we have a faithful Father. It was like, he came and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his presence.

Donna Woolam: 00:11:11

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:11:12

Saying, Diana, I got you girl. And you're going to be okay. It is, you know, I still get emotional telling. Yeah. Because I remember so much how faithful my Father was to me that day.

Donna Woolam: 00:11:35

I love your vulnerability in this Diana, where you're, you're saying that, you know, you, you struggled in your day-to-day spiritual walk with the Lord, you know, and sometimes I think that people can look yeah at a Christian person and say, well, they've got all their stuff together because of course God's on their side. And I even had a conversation with my grandson about the difference between how a Christian and a non-Christian responds to difficulty. But I think that your, your vulnerability here saying, you know, you struggled, you struggled in that area. I mean, you knew that God was there, but you had to find a way to be in that moment with him, but he did not withdraw from you in fact he drew closer to you. So it sounds like that there's an, I know, obviously it was a period of months, a long time where you and Tim walked through this and he was walking on his side and I'm sure the book tells all of that, his walking through that. And you're over here on your side, but there had to be a time when the two of you came together and said, okay, we're going to, we're going to go forward. And then not only that but you made the decision that you were going to become people who share your story to help bring healing to other people. So you can, can you tell us just a little bit about that and how that came to be?

Diana Journy: 00:13:07

Yeah, it actually happened that day that I surrendered. It was our first step. Tim had been golfing and he came home. He knew that I found the emails from the other woman. And so he came home and I say in the book, he expected to see what he had seen before. And that was either cause I was typically one of two. I was either the lion attacking him. How could you do this or the puddle on the ground that couldn't stand up. Because I was too pain it was too painful. That day he came home and he found a peaceful woman and that's all on ly by the grace of God.

Donna Woolam: 00:13:46

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:13:47

On ly because God gave me that security. You're going to be okay, girl. I got ya. Don't worry about it. So Tim came home. I remember I read the three emails that I'd found to him. I, I said to him with so much peace, Tim, I love you. I love you, babe. Yeah, but I can't do this anymore. So you either make a decision me or her. And if you decide her, I will help you pack your bags with loving hands but you will leave.

Donna Woolam: 00:14:26

Wow. Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:14:28

And he just knew by my peace and he says, he'll say I wanted what she had.

Donna Woolam: 00:14:37

Wow.

Diana Journy: 00:14:38

Because he was so anxious. Living two lives is not easy. Yeah. And he was so anxious inside and he wanted the peace that he saw in me. And that was a turning point. It was the first time he ever called the woman in front of me and told her or it was over he always did it on his own terms. So that was our start.

Donna Woolam: 00:15:01

Wow. It makes me so think, is it maybe the book of Ephesians that says that about it's probably not Ephesians, but where wives will win their husbands without a word and that peace that came over you, that powerful peace of God that transformed everything in that moment. Wow. What a supernatural powerful moment in what a lesson for all of us who are, let me take care of it, kind of people now. Wow. That's incredible. That's incredible. So yeah, you moved forward in that together. He made the decision he wanted to be with you and you began to move forward and now you have a coaching ,ministry business, where you are working with couples who have gone through these kinds of things. Could you tell us about that and how that works and also about how people could reach out to you if they wanted some guidance and help.

Diana Journy: 00:16:08

Okay, great. Thank you. Yes, Tim and I started, what would The Journey Through. Kind of a play on on our name too, since I'm Dian a Journy but we started that because we know there's hope. And you had alluded earlier that, you know, friends and family will tell you, kick them out, you know, move on. You don't need that. And that is so true. You know, it is so common that we all have in our mind that the deal breaker in our marriage is infidelity. That happens. You're out of here. That happens. We're divorced, but you know, that's not truth. You have history, you have family. We have four children. We have grandchildren. What are we going to do? And 30 years there's a lot of good. I mean, there's some bad because we are imperfect people living together trying to make it work. But there was so much to fight for, and that's what people need to know. So we started The our Journey Through and we have different programs. We have the biggest program that we like to do with couples who are going through in fidelity is a three-day private in our home. We'd like to invite them, have them. And you, and you know, if you know anything about seminars or, or intensives, the reason we do that is because we need them to. get hones and we need them to become vulnerable and to break down all the walls that they've got up and the best way to do that is face to face. And, and that's what we do. So that's where we have our best luck. People always ask us how successful are you. We say we're as successful as our clients. When the our clients come, they break down the walls, they do all the work because we we've accumulated so much information through our journey. If they do the work, then they're going to succeed and we've succeeded. Now, if they hold their walls up, they don't do the work they're going to fail. Thus, we failed. So we're as good as our clients. We have other programs too. We've done. There's a church on the other side of the coast that keeps inviting us to do their weekend retreat for their marriage group. So we've done four of those. So we have four programs four or five programs that we do. And then we've, we do a church. Both of us lead lead support groups. I lead a support group for women who have been betrayed. Broken and Beautiful. God has recently just kind of opened that up to me that Diana, your betrayal was in fidelity but there's other types of betrayal and you need to open up to that. So we have women in there whose husbands are alcoholics or drug addicts, or they've been abused. You know, there's just all kinds of different betrayal. And that's what we're starting to re I'm starting to wrap my mind around and give guidance and direction too. So we have the support group Broken and Beautiful. Tim does a call for men who've been unfaithful called Rebuilders to help them rebuild. And then he also does a church, a group for men called Getting Back Up and then together we do a care group for marriages, Marriage Transform at our church. And it's that one, we call that our incubator group because we take a lot of that material and then either put it in an online program or course, or. Use it for our next seminar that we're doing for, you know, another church. So we call that our incubator.

Donna Woolam: 00:19:57

That makes sense. That makes sense. So I'm guessing from listening to that, so if a person lived in any other part of the country, or I guess even the world and they wanted to come and be part of that three days with you, that's possible. If they've gone through the steps to be approved for that. I'm sure that there's some things that need to happen there. So working through that of course the life groups and things like that are more for the local area, but you have your online programs where people can receive assistance is a Tim's call in. Is that something that people men from all over can call into or is that

Diana Journy: 00:20:37

You know, kind of grow and try to figure this, especially after COVID try to figure this new difference. I mean, it's a new normal, but trying to figure that out, but, you know, it's like, we would like to be able to our, at least our Marriage Transform and the Broken and Beautiful kind of get that on an online program to where people can either participate on zoom or something. So we're looking into that because we want to open the doors to reach more people you're right. All over, all over the world. This is a common thing that happens. And, you know, I just want people to know there's help out there. There's hope. And you don't have to, to me, the biggest mistake I probably made was trying to go through it alone and not trusting God, number one, that he could heal it and not trusting that there was people who would support me through it.

Donna Woolam: 00:21:31

This conversation is huge. And there are about 500 questions in my brain. I would love to ask you so that maybe at another day we can take these individual pieces and talk about them more in depth. But for today, what I'd love is for you to just tell people how they can reach you. Of course, all of that will be in all the notes and available for people. But for that person who's not where they can just pop in and read something. What is the best way for people to get in touch with you? If they, if they would like some support or maybe want to get your information to a friend or family member?

Diana Journy: 00:22:11

Well, we have the website and that's www.thejourneythrough.com. That's the one Tim and I have together. I do have my own website. That's WW Diana Journy J O U R N Y, because that's how our spelling last name is.com and they can also email us, either Diana at The Journey Through Tim at The Journey Through or, you know, we do have a phone number. They can call us

Donna Woolam: 00:22:44

And talk to her real life person. Okay. That's great. And Diana as we're finishing up today, if you were going to give a piece of advice that you wish you had known in the beginning of all of this, that could have, could have been. Helped you through the process. And of course we, we all come through the different steps and each piece is important for our healing, but if a piece of advice or a word of wisdom, or maybe something that the Lord said to you that you wish you had heard in the beginning, what would that be?

Diana Journy: 00:23:18

Well, you know I think the best advice is. Don't rush into any decision. because that is our tendency to rush right in there and make a decision time is on our side. And at that I know when someone's going through it, they don't want time. I remember I read my first book I read on infidelity said healing took two to five years and I, I really took that book and threw it across the room and that I don't have five years. But I didn't realize what I didn't realize is that the pain gets a little softer over time. And so while it's still painful, two years later, it's not the pain that you're experiencing when you first found out. So give it some time. Don't be afraid of time..

Donna Woolam: 00:24:14

Hmm, that's powerful. Don't be afraid of time. So powerful. Thank you Diana, for being so vulnerable and so honest and as such a witness and example that you can meet something like this in your life and you can come through and come through in a beautiful, strong way. Thank you so much for sharing your story today.

Diana Journy: 00:24:38

Oh, thank you for having me and asking me to share. It's really a privilege.

Donna Woolam: 00:24:41

Thank you so much for joining us today. I really hope that something that you heard helped you to be encouraged and inspired. And in fact, if it has would you do me a favor, would you please just share this with a friend of yours and join me over on social media, on Facebook and Instagram? Well, you know, wherever you are, I'm probably there too. But be sure and go to the website, DonnaWoolam dot com and grab the free resources that we have for you. Thanks again, and have a wonderful Living At My Best day.