The Days I Died
I spent 10 days on a respirator and died twice.
I was in my late 20s and had chickenpox pneumonia. I tell the broader story in my book, His Hostage Heart. And it's a doozy.
I recall the days leading to the respirator and how it became harder to breathe, almost hour by hour. In fact, before I went to the hospital, I had to crawl on the floor to the couch because I didn't have enough air to walk. The tube down the throat kept me alive until the chickenpox ran its course.
The doctors knew the time had arrived to come off the respirator when I kept trying to breathe on my own. But they couldn't just take out the tube. No, they had to wean me off and make sure I was ready.
Afterwards, because of the lingering inflammation caused by the respirator tube between my vocal cords, my speaking voice was scratchy and whispery. And the doctor told me, "Donna, you must stop whispering. It seems counterintuitive, but that damages your vocal cords. Do your best to speak in your regular voice, and eventually it will return." It did, but my singing voice was much deeper than before. A small price to be alive, I'd say.
Yet, if I had to rate that against the times I've lost my breath because of emotional trauma, I'd rather have to face the physical rehabilitation than the emotional and spiritual work of learning to breathe again.
The Breath Knocked Out of Me
Even as you're reading this, you may recall the last time you got the breath knocked out of you. A playground incident, boating, skiing. Unfortunately, for far too many, a wound from a spouse or friend.
There have been many seasons I've only survived because of an invisible, spiritual air tank. When the Presence of God and loving friends kept me breathing when all I wanted to do was quit.
The most recent time was when a trusted spiritual leader and employer told me I was disqualified to teach and preach because a group of people thought I wasn't nice. To add to it, he wouldn't tell me who they were. In that room, on that day, I lost my breath in more ways than one. I nearly passed out and threw up. And I became a ghost of the woman I had always been.
Every day after that, as I walked through our congregation, I wondered who was smiling to my face but who secretly despised me. And spiritually, I was on life support in that setting until the day I left.
Thankfully, I reached out to an incredible woman, Melissa Scarborough, founder of Ministry Chick. She sat with me in my pain and confusion and resuscitated me. It took over a year for me to understand the betrayal and to learn to breathe again. [Listen to her interview on my podcast.]
Because of that betrayal, for a time I lost sight of who the Lord had made me to be. I caught glimpses of Donna but she seemed like a mythical creature.
Breathe, Lovely One. Breathe!
Whether it's the death of the one you love, the betrayal of a friend, or the loss of a person or position you've built your life around and on, when that moment comes, we are breathless. And not in a good way.
Awful things happen. People aren't always kind. We live in a broken, desolate world. Added to that, the enemy of our souls will take advantage of every opportunity to cast us to the wayside.
As we're lying on the floor gasping for breath, panic sets in. The very breath we need to survive is even harder to get.
Shaken. Scared. Ashamed. Wishing we could disappear.
But here we are. Somehow alive.
Weak. Confused. Stumbling.
What do we do now?
Well, my love. You must dig deep, pull your shoulders back, and take one trembling breath after another until you can take one full deep breath.
Sometimes, you need CPR. Like I did.
Sometimes, you need a good cry. Like I did.
And sometimes, you need to walk away from the breath stealer. Like I did.
But the most important thing of all is to get in the Presence of the Lord and let His breath revive you.
Allergy Season
I know several people with chronic lung issues who struggle especially during allergy season.
See, some little grain of pollen, or infinitesimal piece of fur, or invisible dust mote hits their lungs, and they are crippled. Some get by with regular doses of Zyrtec or Claritin. And still others require an emergency rescue inhaler.
What about those days you are breathing along, and hear a phrase, or see a sign, or meet an old acquaintance, and suddenly, can't breathe?
I've discovered it's a wise thing to have some emotional "zyrtec" at hand. Tools and resources to help you get back to breathing deeply.
I live by two scriptures. Romans 12:2 is the foundation of everything I do.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." New King James Version
And 2 Corinthians 10:5 is my daily thought-clearing process.
"casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ," New King James
Beyond that, I know I must be brutally honest with myself when I'm falling down the rabbit hole of garbage thoughts. But here's the problem: we don't always recognize the lies we've built.
We Get By With a Little Help ...
We convince ourselves the things we believe are true. And unless we have an outside observer to tell us we've missed it, we'll just go on believing. It's why I needed Melissa to hear me and give me unbiased insight. Proverbs 23:7 (as a man thinks) helps us here. Because we will be what we believe. If I had taken the words of that leader as truth, I would have been emotionally crippled the rest of my life. I would never have stepped back into coaching or teaching, or preaching or writing, because I would have believed I had nothing good to say.
And so my question for you today, Lovely One is just this ...
Where have you allowed someone to take your breath and keep you hidden and broken and afraid? What lies have you adopted as truth? When was the last time you took a good deep breath?
Join Me
Each month I host two free live workshops for faith-filled women who love God deeply — yet secretly struggle to find peace, focus, and joy in the swirl of life’s demands. Think of it as a mini-retreat with a few girlfriends.
Why not learn more about the next one and join us? It's called the Peaceful Mind Purposeful Heart Workshop and it's perfect for the holiday season.