What are Negative Thoughts?
Negative thinking infiltrates every part of life. Those thoughts are straight up poison, ready to destroy you.
Because it doesn't matter what the negative thought is about.
Is it about yourself? Goodbye confidence. Or someone else? So long peace. Oh, no, it's a situation with you or a friend? Oh well, what good is trust, anyway?
Negative thoughts are birthed outside of us. But we adopt them as our own. Once planted, we are hard-pressed to root out and replace the thoughts with positive, life-affirming, relationship-repairing, hope-conquering beliefs. And there are a few reasons for that.
Science of Thought
Science gives us a bit of insight into why it's hard to change our mind. One is the anchoring thought principle. Which is that the original information we receive becomes the establishing thought for everything else we hear.
Second is the resultant confirmation bias phenomena. Once we believe and establish our position (anchor), our brain goes to work finding information to support that belief.
Not only is it hard for our friends to change their mind about something. It's hard for you to change your mind.
For instance, consider the last time you were new in an environment. You don't really know the people, the structure of the organization, or how to get involved. If you meet someone who is a fan, they'll tell you all kinds of good things. From that point on, you'll weigh each piece of new information against the original review. But if you meet someone who has had an unpleasant experience and they share their perception, you'll assess all incoming information from that bias. And, it takes a lot more information to convince you it's a good place than otherwise.
The anchor of negative thinking is a challenge to overcome. But it can be done.
Thieves - Robbers - Liars
"Liar, liar, pants on fire!" I bet you heard that before. I rephrased it. "Liars are fryers."
James 3:6 says this in the New International Version:
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
James 3:5-8 in the Message Translation really hits home...
A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything or - destroy it! A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue - it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer.
Negative thinking is birthed from negative speaking. Someone voices their thoughts and we either accept them or reject them. When we accept them, they are planted in the soil of our heart.
Luke 6:45 tells us who we really are shows up in our speech. It's why wisdom says, if you listen to a person long enough they'll tell you who they are. So, my question for you is, who are you really?
A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.
Negative thoughts steal your peace, ransack your future, and then lie to you about what just happened.
Triggers for Negative Thinking
I believe every kid is born to believe the best in every person and situation. We have this beautiful trust factor that helps us know someone will come to rescue us. It's only when trust is broken, disappointed, or manipulated that learn the world isn't necessarily a beautiful place.
That's when the G.N.A.T.S. show up. Generational Negative and Toxic Sayings. I wrote an in-depth post about them. But today, I want to talk about the triggers we face every day.
A trigger means you hear or see something that affects your ability to stay in the present moment. It shoves you into an experience in order to bring up a future-facing concern. It often has absolutely nothing to do with what you are involved in at the moment.
So, because of the anchoring principle and confirmation bias, we run to the safety of our negativing thinking. We wrap the negative thoughts around us like a safety blanket to keep from having more pain, or damage, or trauma. Even when we despise the thought. The familiar is more comfortable.
Negative thoughts steal your peace, ransack your future, and then lie to you about what just happened.
Your Mind is the Battleground
Maybe you had parents who expected a lot from you. So, you find yourself in a volunteer or job position and things aren't going well. Maybe you don't really understand the job. Or the tech is hard. Or the person you're working with communicates in a way that's hard for you. You get all itchy and uncomfortable and believe you're failing.
Bingo! The perfect atmosphere stirs up for negative thinking. Blame. Judgement. Denial. Anything and everything to make the pain stop. We self-justify and quit. Or say things like, "I know I'm not really your first choice, and I'm sorry I'm failing you." And they never thought that.
Or maybe you aren't exactly happy with the way you look. You believe what media and social media tell you are valuable and appealing. When you wake up in the morning, and see yourself in the mirror, the tirade begins: "You're too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, not educated enough, too educated, think you're too good." Oh girl, your hair is a mess." "Those pants make you look.... Who would like, love, trust, want....".
And you feed the thoughts with more and more poison. So when someone says anything that counteracts your belief, you think they're just trying to be nice or they are outright lies.
ReNewing Your Mind
Like I said in the beginning, it's tough to rewire your brain when it's built a trench to the negative. But it is possible. In fact, it's required if you want to keep growing in faith.
The Lord tells us from the beginning that our own thoughts can get us into a mess. It's not that He created us as robots or puppets. It's just that free-will doesn't always make the best choices. Our flesh (mind, will, emotions) is after comfort. What can I get right now that will make me feel better right now? It's why He tells us we have a choice to choose life or death. His advice is to choose life.
Can I be transparent here?
Here's what growing up in my family taught me; food makes everything better. When you're happy... more food. When you're sad... more food. Are you bored? Have a sandwich, or a cookie, or some cake. Was today a hard day? Let's bake something. Therefore, even though I understand the trigger and the result, I struggle in the battle of food. My confirmation bias when I'm sad is to find something to feel better. Thus, 35 lbs extra joined me in the 4 months after Richard died. And, when I went through a painful situation at work, another 10 joined them. Negative thinking may have been my excuse. But, I am not bound to living fluffy. Because I know that through the power of God, the word of God, and the strength He gives me, I can tear down the stronghold of a lifetime.
And so can you.
It's a 2 Corinthians 10:5 practice...
"We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (Berean Study Bible)
Honesty. It all begins with honesty.
Where are you stuck? What are the lies you're believing? (Oh, you can know it's a lie if it is stealing, killing, and destroying your life.) Write them out. Look at them in the light of day. Decide if what you believe is helping you - or hurting you.
Ownership of the thoughts. Not making excuses for what you believe. And lining them up against the word of God. Simple, right? Yes. Easy? NO!
Why? Because we're battling the anchor thoughts and confirmation bias.
For some issues, we can tuck into our own journal and prayer and find great deliverance. Because, after all, His presence is there. Sometimes a good Christian friend or group of spiritual women will be incredible prayer support. In others, we need to walk through inner healing, maybe even deliverance, to be free from the spiritual forces at work against us. Emotional counseling or psychotherapy is sometimes necessary.
However, since I'm a coach who helps women with renewal and mindset, let me throw my hat in the ring. Because sometimes we need someone who has faced similar battles who can give us tools and show us the path. Someone who believes in the power to be transformed because they experienced transformation. A warrior on your side for what you say you want. And is willing to help you get it.
Clarity is the beginning of honest. So, why not schedule a clarity call?
